It’s been a Long Month

It’s been a month since I have posted here, and I have beat myself up almost every day for not posting. Ugh. Such non-loving behaviour toward myself, I need to have a sit down with my Inner Critic.

Things have been squirrelly, my daughter was sick with a low-grade fever for all of January and had her tonsils and adenoids out and tubes put in her ears (aka The Works) at the end of the month. We hope that this will be the end of 18 months of chronic sickness, double ear infections and rounds and rounds of antibiotics. She went back to school yesterday with the remnants of a cold, but so excited to see her friends and teachers.

I can’t write when she is home (unmedicated ADHD brain) and I am too tired to form sentences by the time she goes to bed. I need silence to write. I need a clear head. And I need to stop berating myself for having these needs. They are not good needs, nor bad needs, they are just my needs.

Don't Feed The Inner Critic

All month I listened to my Inner Critic and instead of seeing what was really bothering me and reassuring my Critic it was only a month, I immediately jumped into THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU mode.

“Why can’t you write with her home? Why can’t you write at night? You are just lazy.”

“Why are you overwhelmed? God, get a grip! Millions of people all over the world are going through much worse. You are spoiled and selfish.”

“You shouldn’t even want to write when your child is sick. You shouldn’t want time for yourself. What is wrong with you?”

I do not even want to estimate how many times thoughts like these went through my head. So I felt badly about myself constantly, and I binged to dull the pain.

I looked after my girl and I kept up with my mediumship classes but that was all. And looking back, that was more than enough. Why couldn’t I see that clearly just a few short days ago?

It’s been a long month of illness and recovery but we made it through, and in the future, it will just be a tiny blip in our story. If I could do it again, I would do it with so much more compassion and understanding for myself.

Peace and love to you, and to myself.

Comments

  1. Michele Bergh says

    Sometimes things just don’t flow the way we wish they would. Here I am organizing a blogging challenge this month and I’ve only blogged a few times myself. Sometimes life just gets in the way and it is what it is. Big hugs to you and your inner critic…may you both feel loved and find compassion in your hearts :)

    • Christie says

      Thank you Michele, you are so right, sometimes it is just life and we have to sit back. I know this is just another lesson, and obviously one I may need to repeat. Thank you for your kind words :)

  2. Marcie says

    Sometimes life just happens. Be kind. The best gift you can offer up to yourself and your daughter is your presence. How beautiful that you were able to be there.

    • Christie says

      Thank you Marcie, and yes, I am so lucky to have been here for the past 18 months as she has been at home more than she has been at school. It would have been impossible to hold a normal job and look after her. Thank you <3

    • Christie says

      I am definitely exhausted Kelly and looking forward to Spring, and gardening! I hope we all get a lovely long Spring this year <3

  3. Deborah Weber says

    Sending you love Christie and hoping that you keep that self-compassion unpacked AND send that inner mean critic packing. Just as your daughter is enjoying her return to school and friends, I hope you get to enjoy a return to a place of greater ease and joy.

  4. Harmony Harrison says

    I’m hearing a lot of self-compassion in this, even in the hardness. Just knowing that you would do this month over with more self-compassion is compassion in itself. Thank you for sharing so honestly and vulnerably. I imagine that the mediumship class (like a lot of intuitive training) has been intense and emotionally healing, which can make even a so-called “normal” month feel hard. And this doesn’t sound like it was at all “normal”! It’s good to do these incredible things, these courageous things, like writing, mediumship, and caring for someone who needs you, and it sounds like you’re doing them in the way that’s right for you, in the timing that you need. Love & healing to your daughter. <3

    • Christie says

      Thank you for your oh-so-kind words Harmony and the healing for my daughter, I really appreciate it. Yes, mediumship is both intense and emotionally healing, as is parenting an very sensitive little girl. I quickly visited your site and sent the link to your ebook to my sister, she is thinking about learning more about intuitive animal communication. I look forward to learning more from you as well <3

  5. Naomi says

    OMG tell me about it. Having kiddos underfoot, whether sick or not, makes it tough to get anything done. I’m getting to the point where I recognize my needs as non-negotiable now. I function so much better and am a better mommy when I’m rested and have had a chance to be artistic, check e-mails, sleep, and read. It’s so evident when I don’t get that time. I hope you’ll allow yourself to ease back in gently. Sounds like you have the right perspective. Hang in there.

    • Christie says

      Oh yes, Naomi! Those are my non-negotiables too. When the girl is home, we have Quiet Time in the afternoons, mama needs to read :) Thank you for your kind words <3

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *